i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
