and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
