if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
