it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
