it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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