I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
