Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
