My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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