he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
