my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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