Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize