My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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