it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
