I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
