i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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