Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize