I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
