he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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