Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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