glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
