Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
