one might say we're banned from that church
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
