I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
