I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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