I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
