my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you would pick up someone in the library
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
