Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
