Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
