quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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