the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think people are normalizing furries
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
