You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
