Where is the hickey?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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