turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize