we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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