apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why can't burritos get me drunk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
