I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
