College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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