I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
God, I missed his penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
