I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
