I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
