they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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