If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
