She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
50% drunk capacity currently
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
