I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
