I faked an abortion last night.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
