in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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