your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
