I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
