drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
