i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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