the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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