I am in a vortex of obligation.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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