adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
