p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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