I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize