R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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