dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
