If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pooping to opera.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
