just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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