Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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