she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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