why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
