but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
