and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
