cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
