The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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