Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
