Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
