She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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