and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
