bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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