doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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