So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
