So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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