My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
